Welcome to the WWF’s Figure Skating Program! You thought that only professional wrestling was obviously fixed, and that the noble Olympics were far above that sort of thing – and how wrong you were! Or perhaps you thought that the old system of political block voting was a thing of the Cold War past – wrong again!

Everyone in the stadium thought that Canada’s Jamie Sale and David Pelletier had won the Olympic gold medal in pairs figure skating on Monday night after their Russian competition committed some obvious mistakes – but everyone was wrong! Although it appeared that normal scoring procedures would clearly favor the Canadian team, judges from Russia, China, Poland, the Ukraine, and France picked the Russian team, while judges from the United States, Canada, Germany, and Japan placed the Canadians in first place.

Allegations were rife that the French judge, Marie Reine Le Gougne, had made a deal with the Russian judges to trade votes in the ice-dancing competition. Outraged commentators from around the globe, a number of them former professional ice-skaters, confirmed that there was a long tradition of vote trading in the figure skating events.

The Chinese judge who favored the Russian team in the tiebreaker withdrew from judging last night’s men’s short program “due to illness”.

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